So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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