On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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