am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
