it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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