He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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