Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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