I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
