What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
