Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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