He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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