So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
