Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drive I can fine osifer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
