There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
