I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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