after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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