Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
