Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
