How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
