What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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