Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
