well you can't waste a boner
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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