he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
