if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
