Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
