I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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