Im at strip club and am horny
Life is so much better after having sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
