I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
