Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
