just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
