Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
