Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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