She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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