Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize