who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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