we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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