so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
