the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
