This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize