haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
