like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
