Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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