We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
