Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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