I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
