i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
