Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
