it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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