He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
