you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
