ugly people sure do ruin things
can u get pink eye on your cock?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
