She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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