im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
