just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
