thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
