she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
