I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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