I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
