Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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