Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
