so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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