Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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