The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
