I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize