Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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