on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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