that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
