New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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