eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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