Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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