we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
