So drunk its hurt
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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