Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
